Awko Taco: A Guide to Eating in Social Situations

Before I was diagnosed with Celiac, I paid no heed to the food allergies/intolerances/preferences of others.  I got a little taste of a restricted diet when I had to be on a dairy-free diet in order to feed my older daughter.  I remember being so miserable and wishing away the time until I could eat dairy again.  I was pretty laissez fair about other people's needs.  I remember trying to plan the menu for my 10 year high school reunion when one of my classmates asked if we would have gluten free food available for people who might need it.  At the time, I just thought "well if someone has a food allergy, it's up to them to figure it out," added some bacon wrapped scallops to the menu, and my job was done.  When I think about it, I was being a bit insensitive.  It was partially because I didn't know better, I was not well-informed.  I also did not think it was a prevalent issue because I hadn't known anyone with a food allergy/intolerance before.

I didn't realize that there are so many factors that go into a restricted diet--it's not just the food itself, but how it's prepared.  For example, gluten free corn tortilla chips are great, but if they've been fried in oil that also cooked chicken tenders, onion rings, and jalapeno poppers, then they are gluten-full and contaminated.  Every Celiac has a different level of tolerance for contamination.  There is a lot of talk out there of how many ppm (parts per million) of gluten an individual can tolerate and it's said that the longer you are on a gluten free diet, the more severe the reaction you have when you do consume gluten.  You can't just "have a salad and pick the croutons off" or "scrape the chicken salad out of the roll" at a social event.  Things have to be neat, tidy, clean, and completely gluten free.

What's exhausting is that many people (as I was) are uninformed on what an autoimmune illness is.  The basic definition?  The body attacks itself as a result of some external or internal trigger. Celiac disease is an autoimmune illness.  If exposed to gluten, my body creates antibodies that respond by killing and flattening the tiny villi in my intestines, making digestion painful and uncomfortable and if it goes on for long enough it can cause malnutrition.

http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/celiac/

Autoimmune thyroid issues also run rampant in my family and through research I have learned that autoimmune diseases travel together.  I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis in my early 20's.  This means that my body produces antibodies that attack my thyroid hormones.  The solution to that is simple...take a tiny pill for the rest of my life, no problem.  For some, autoimmune diseases are much more complicated.  Lupus, Hashimotos Thyroiditis, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Graves disease, and Multiple Sclerosis are all examples of autoimmune disorders.  Many of these autoimmune disorders are more common in women than in men, with some of them occurring exclusively in women. 

The reason I'm giving you a science lesson about autoimmune disorders?  Because Celiac isn't an intolerance.  I don't just "get a little sick" when I eat gluten.  To be honest...nowadays my stomach aches and bloats to the point I can barely stand up straight and NOTHING is normal again for at least a week after getting "glutened."  Eating gluten does damage to my body, to my intestines, and I cannot take it lightly.  My goal is to avoid any long term damage to my bodily organs, I would think others would have a similar goal.

Socializing as a Celiac is hard and it sucks.  I don't know how else to describe it. I will talk about restaurants in another post, but for now, I'm sticking with social occasions like weddings and parties and birthdays and showers.  Pot lucks and work functions aren't any better.  I've mentioned before that I love food.  My husband, family, and children love food.  It's the main way we socialize, and before I was diagnosed it was no big deal.  I was more worried about how I could maintain a healthy diet at a summer barbeque or Christmas party.  Now I find comfort in the veggie platters and chip bowls (if they exist).

I will say first and foremost that I do not expect people to accommodate me and my diet.  The old me would not have done it for others, so I do not expect that they would do it for me.  I would just like to share some pointers/survival skills that have helped me recently so that you as a host or you as a guest can feel comfortable and nourished in a social situation.

1. BYO or bring something to share.  I delight in bringing gluten free items to social occasions so that I can share delicious food with people.  "Can you believe that's gluten free?  It's delicious isn't it!?"  I've also packed my own food if I'm not sure of the menu.  On my first day of work last year, (I'm a teacher, so there are always muffins, pastries, and more at the first in-service day) I brought my own corn muffins. I could sit and socialize with friends and not look awkward and hungry as I pecked at fruit salad.  I went to a party just this weekend and I packed some snacks like hummus, lentil crackers, grapes, and popcorn.  It's a little extra effort, but worth it to avoid hunger.

2. Eat what you can.  At any function, my eyes are the first to spot the chip bowl or the veggie platter.  Those are typically good gluten free options.  The former isn't always healthy, but you can make up for it with the latter.  Many chips and dips are gluten free and are safe.  Cheese is great too, but I would not eat it if it was sitting anywhere near the crackers.  I recently attended a social occasion at someone's house where the only thing I could eat was a fruit salad.  Everyone kept asking me if I had eaten, and they told me to make sure I ate, especially since they knew I was nursing a small baby.  I just kept nodding and eating fruit salad and avoiding the issue.  It's taken awhile (and I'm not sure I'm there yet) to come to grips with the fact that for the most part, I can't eat cake at birthday parties and weddings.  I have an unhealthy obsession with cake of all kinds and I'm trying my best to try every gluten free cake or cupcake I come across in order to feed my addiction.  (Kudos to my sister for ordering some GF cupcakes at her upcoming October wedding).

3. Inform the host.  Not in an offensive or overbearing way, but speak your mind if asked. I attended a wedding last fall and on the reply card it asked about dietary restrictions.  I said "gluten free" figuring that I may not have a choice and I may have to survive on crudites.  Much to my surprise and delight, the menu was almost entirely gluten free and prepared by a caterer well versed in the likes of wheat-less cuisine.  Pulled pork, cold rice salads, and grilled chicken were the highlight of the menu for me.  It turns out I wasn't the only one there concerned with my gluten intake. There were even gluten free cupcakes in their own little spot on the dessert table.  It was easily the best social occasion I've ever dined at.

For holidays, my mother and mother-in-law always make sure I can eat something, often making a special gluten free version of a dish just so that I can partake and not feel uncomfortable.  If you come to my house for a social event, you will see gluten-full and gluten free foods.  I live with people in my house that can tolerate wheat and have not had issues or been diagnosed with Celiac.  I am careful with how I prepare meals, but I recognize that not everyone wants to eat gluten free.

4. It's not about being picky, it's about being healthy.  I love all kinds of food.  I'm generally not picky, but when someone accuses me of being this way, I get offended.  I just want to be healthy and not feel sick.  I need to feel good in order to be sociable.  I need to feel good in order to be a good mom, wife, and friend.  I want to live for a long time and I don't eat gluten because my body reacts poorly to it.  Be supportive of your gluten free friends and understand that while their requests and questions may be annoying and confusing, they do it for a reason.  I'd love to dig into a plate of nachos without asking questions but I can't, so I ask the questions and do my own investigative research.

It is possible to eat gluten free and be social, but being a kind host and a gracious guest is essential in making everyone happy and keeping everyone healthy.

**I have to give credit to some of my former students for introducing me to the phrase "awko taco."  At the time, I thought it was a silly way to say that something was awkward, but now I find it kind of describes how awkward it can be for a Celiac in a social eating situation.**

Dinner: An Exercise in Failure

So I might as well be honest about dinner tonight.  It was a major fail.  My intentions were good, but it just. didn't. work.

I will start by saying it was HOT today.  Like end-of-August HOT.  I don't love the heat unless I'm sitting by a pool with an icy drink in my hand.  With two kids and no pool, this makes me a sweaty mess.  No Caribbean fantasy here.  And the rest of the week...not much better.

 I decided that due to the fact that we do not have air conditioning on the first floor, I would cook our dinner on the grill (if you ask my husband, I think he will attest that I have above average grill skills).  I didn't go grocery shopping this week...not a good plan, so I scoured the house and found two things I could grill: sweet potatoes and chicken sausage.  Both are gluten free, and we always make sure our grill is clean (and free of gluteny sauces and bread products), so I thought this would be delicious and nutritious (and cooler than cooking inside).

I looked up some recipes for grilled sweet potatoes, and most of them suggested boiling them.  BOIL? Nopey nope nope. Not gonna do that.  So, I cherry picked a recipe that didn't need me to heat a pan of water to 212*F inside my house.  I peeled and cut sweet potatoes into 1/2" thick slices, brushed them with vegetable oil, and sprinkled them with a little sugary spice rub of brown sugar, salt, and pepper.

 I heated up the grill on medium heat, and put all of my delicious food on the grates.

I let them sit for four minutes (like the recipe said), and I turned them...they smelled delicious and had cute little grill marks.  Unfortunately, after the next four minutes, I got distracted by a diaper emergency (no details here I promise), and by the time I was done dealing with it, this is what was left.  Charcoal coated potatoes.

Luckily, the sausages were salvageable. And delicious.  I don't usually buy that brand, (Al Fresco is my go-to sausage) but I had a coupon and got these puppies for free, and with that little "gluten free" symbol, how could I resist?  So I ate sausage for dinner.

I made some instant mac 'n cheese for my toddler, but while cutting up the sausage for her, this happened:

So, I made another batch of instant mac 'n cheese, cut a second sausage, and ate the two that were left. 

On a positive note, dessert was a success. Jell-O never fails me.  It's gluten free, and delicious, and amazing.

 Moral of the story?  Document the fails, because they make the successes that much sweeter.

Product Review: Pillsbury Gluten Free Pie Dough

My grandmother taught me how to make pie dough.  Shortening, flour, a little salt and a dash of water and voila! you have crispy, buttery, flaky goodness that you can use to envelop a sweet or savory dish.  You can't forget to take the scraps and add a little cinnamon, brown sugar, and butter to make pie crust rolls, which is always the best part (and the part that seems reasonable for a little girl to help with).

I admit it, I spent a long time judging store bought pie crusts and cookie doughs.  Sure, I'd eat a roll of Toll House cookie dough raw, I mean, who wouldn't?  Baking the dough into cookies, that's a whole different story.  Thanks to my talented mother and grandmother, we always had homemade baked goods in the house, and when it came to savory pies, it was no different.  Since going gluten free, I would say I eat about half from-scratch goodies, and about half from-box goodies.  There are some really great mixes out there, and with some things, I find that the from-box item is tastier than my from-scratch version.  In fact, my mom was able to make a delicious pecan pie for me this winter using a boxed flour mix, and it was an excellent substitute for the glutenful goodness I'm used to.

A few months ago, I saw posts on Facebook about how Pillsbury was coming out with some new gluten free, ready to use products.  When I was grocery shopping last week, I spotted the pie dough in the refrigerated aisle.  Out of curiosity, I picked it up, and also picked up the makings for a chicken pot pie.  I decided to wing it with this one, making up my own recipe, and it worked!

I followed the directions on the container.  Split the pie dough in half, kneaded it (it was pretty crumbly at first), and put it between two pieces of wax paper (standard pie dough protocol).

 After rolling out the bottom crust, and doing my best to place it in the pie dish, this happened:

It's okay, because even though it was fairly warm in my kitchen, (who bakes a chicken pot pie in the summer?) I was able to reassemble the bottom of the pie crust and even roll out a top crust.

Next, I baked some chicken tenderloins in a pan with a little coconut oil (to prevent sticking), salt, pepper, and garlic powder.  I baked them for 20 minutes at 400*F.  I'm a huge fan of the all natural meats at the grocery store because they have a tender texture and better taste.

While the chicken was baking, I combined 2 cartons of Pacific Foods Cream of Chicken Soup, and one cup of Pacific Foods chicken stock in a saucepan. **These soups are gluten free. You can find the soup on Amazon.com (thanks, Mom!) and you can usually find the stock in the stores.  Your standard Campbell's soup doesn't cut it in the gluten free world.** I added 4 cubed red potatoes and a cup of petite cut baby carrots.  You could really use any other vegetables you wanted to, but I used what I had on hand.  I let that come to a simmer while the chicken finished baking.  It needed a little thickening so I added some cornstarch slurry (cornstarch and cold water pre-mixed).

When the chicken came out, I chopped it up into bite-sized pieces and added it to the bottom crust.  I poured the filling mixture over the chicken in the bottom crust and put my top crust on, trimming it and adjusting it to fit the pie plate.  I had to do some patchwork, but in the end it didn't matter.

Per the pie crust directions, I baked it for 30 minutes at 400*F and it came out like this:

The verdict: Pillsbury Gluten Free pie dough has a flaky texture and a good taste.  It tastes very similar to their glutenful pre-made pie crusts.  It was nice to be able to eat a chicken pot pie (it's been a long time) and I would consider using this dough again to make a dessert or another dinner entree.  I still think home made is best, so you will probably find me experimenting with homemade gluten free pie crust pretty soon.

The Beginning of the Beginning

I love food.  I've always loved food.  Especially delicious stuff like cake and cookies and pies.  Growing up with my grandmother, a retired baker, living downstairs, sparked this love of everything sweet, cakey, and covered in frosting.  She not only made baked goods, but I spent a lot of time cooking and baking with her and learning all of her secrets.  For the first 29 years of my life, it was easy to eat all of this gluten-filled goodness.  I'm not a huge fan of vegetables (other than salads, green beans, and a few other fake veggies like squashes and sweet potatoes), and have spent most of my life being a meat and potatoes girl.  Pass me some pasta, or maybe a casserole and I'm happy. Cake for dessert? Please!  Cookies at Christmas, of course!

All of this changed in 2011, after the birth of my daughter, N.

I gave birth to N in September 2010.  It was a fairly easy pregnancy, but the labor was long and difficult. The first few months after were particularly tough because she had reflux (due to a dairy intolerance) and was generally pretty high maintenance as babies go.  I was fortunate to have the first year of her life off of work and home with her.  I was proud that I had made it through the first 10 months or so breastfeeding and had planned to wean her over the summer to prepare to go back to work at the end of August.  In June and July I gradually started nursing less and giving her bottles of goat milk to get her used to what daycare was going to be like.  I was admittedly stressed about not only this process but also the impending doom of work/daycare/commuting, etc. etc. This is when thing started going downhill.

I remember it clear as day.  It was like a switch was flipped. On an early July morning, I went for a walk with friends.  I felt shaky and nauseous and my heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest, but I couldn't figure out why.  I wasn't particularly nervous about anything, why did I feel like this?  I took some homeopathic chill pills, but they didn't help.  This feeling continued through the week and it worsened.  I started getting terrible headaches, rib pain, back pain, neck pain, jaw pain, fatigue, and dizziness.  The anxiety continued--partially because I was sick, and partially because I was worried about what I was sick with.  I attended my friend's birthday party in Rhode Island that weekend and felt shaky and sick the entire time.  What was wrong with me?  Was I dying and didn't know it?

The worse incident I had was en route to a friend's house in New York.  On the way, I was having heart palpitations and terrible rib pain.  My left arm went numb and I thought for sure I was having a heart attack.  I begged my husband to pull over on the highway.  We called 911 and I was brought via ambulance to a hospital.  The EMT told me it was probably just an anxiety attack (which I know now) but since I don't have a history of anxiety or panic, how was I to know what was happening to me?  This ER visit was just like the rest--bloodwork, CT scans, heart monitoring--all normal.  All normal?  How could everything be normal when I was feeling so terrible?  While I was scared for myself, I was even more scared for my 10 month old baby girl--what if I had a terrible illness and would never see her grow up?

When we got home from NY, my husband (who was just as scared as I was, but strong enough not to show it) did everything he could to get me help.  My primary care physician insisted that I had post partum depression (PPD) and that some Prozac would fix it.  I didn't feel comfortable going on Prozac while breastfeeding at the time (although I know now many people do it safely), so I did not start taking it.  We called various doctors, counselors, and postpartum specialists.  Again, I was handed prescriptions for Zoloft and Ativan and told it would help since I was probably experiencing PPD.  At this point, I decided to heed their advice.  I weaned Noelle completely and started medication and visiting a counselor.  Nothing worked. Not one bit.  Still felt all of my symptoms, and it was getting worse.  I was losing weight, battling reflux, and feeling more fatigue and joint pain.  I had to go back to work like this, teaching 120 eighth graders, how was I going to get through my day?  I remember sitting with my coworkers at lunch on more than one occasion just trying not to completely burst into tears because I was feeling so miserable.  I felt like if I really told everyone what was going on, they might think I was crazy.

I knew there was something more to this story.  I had a strange bug bite back in May, maybe it was Lyme?  I was tested for Lyme with inconclusive results and started seeing a specialist in Concord.  He prescribed high doses of antibiotics and I took 20 or so pills a day for the next 5 months.  This treatment brought me little relief as well, and in fact left me with a destroyed digestive tract at the end of it all. 

We went to Disney World the day after Christmas (2011).  I love Disney World, but I was too sick to enjoy it.  I was having all of my daily symptoms and the fatigue was too much.  I remember feeling like I needed to pass out every night between 6-7pm.  My sister-in-law was with us and 5 months pregnant at the time, and she had more energy than I did.  I suffered through the next two months, coming to grips with the fact that I was going to feel this way forever.  Eventually, in early March, I hit my breaking point.  I found a new primary care physician and I remember crying my eyes out in her office.  She looked through my history and assured me that we would figure this out...no matter how many tests we had to do.  She tested me for a variety of things--including Lupus, Celiac disease, vitamin deficiencies, and much more.

Two days later, I got the news I had been waiting for.  I had something.  It had a name.  And I could fix it.  My gluten antibodies (anti-tissue transglutaminase antibodies) were off the charts.  I was told anything over 15 was considered positive and my numbers were over 100.  I was told to stop eating all gluten immediately and that I would be scheduled for an appointment with a nutritionist and a gastroenterologist.  I stopped eating gluten completely and within 1-2 weeks, I felt MUCH better.  Not only did I have antibodies (and probably significant intestinal damage), but I was deficient in many vitamins too--which was causing some of my symptoms.  It took a solid month or so for me to feel 100% by eliminating gluten, but that was all it took, a month, and no gluten.  No heavy antibiotics or antidepressants.  Just a dietary change.  Easy, right?

Eliminating gluten is a MAJOR dietary change.  Not only does everything seem to be made of gluten, but many foods are "contaminated" with gluten.  Anything containing wheat, rye, barley, and malt contains gluten.  The more research I did, I realized that eliminating gluten was difficult...especially during social events and while eating at restaurants.  Gluten is EVERYWHERE and unless you are the one preparing meals you can never be 100% sure something is gluten free.  I will also say that other Celiacs have been very helpful in suggesting products and restaurants.  One of my coworkers reached out to me immediately, sending me a Google Doc full of websites.  She also wrote a list of all her favorite products.  I still keep it in the center console of my car for quick grocery shopping reference.

After my diagnosis, I visited the nutritionist who handed me a pile of printouts from the Internet.  It was then I realized that this was trickier than I thought it was going to be.  I mean, if the hospital nutritionist didn't know anything about Celiac, and had to read Internet printouts to me, it's gotta be difficult. I immediately went to the "gluten free" aisle at Hannaford and stocked up on as much as I could...some from the list, some things I tried on my own.  I've come to the realization, that just like anything out there, you will find the good and the bad and decide what you like.  I now have favorite pastas, cereals, snacks, and more.

One of the major ways I have eliminated gluten is by taking my family recipes and de-glutenizing (if that's even a word) them.  My mom has been really instrumental in this.  I should mention that I felt so good after going gluten free that I had enough energy to get pregnant again (wink) and have another baby.  In fact, the only reason I did not end up with an endoscopy to confirm the diagnosis was because I found out I was pregnant the day before the procedure was scheduled. C was born in January at a healthy 10lbs, 5oz.  Clearly, she didn't miss the gluten while I was pregnant. :) Not sure of what the hospital would have for GF food, my mom made individual portion sizes of some of our family favorites.  I was able to bring these with me to the hospital and put them in the fridge so I always had a backup plan.  Both my mother and mother-in-law have been amazing at modifying family dinners for me.  It's awkward when you've never had an allergy/intolerance in your life and then all of a sudden you need to make special accommodations for meals.  My family and friends have certainly made this transition a lot easier for me.

I am starting this blog to document some of the delicious foods I make and eat.  Many friends have made contact with me to gather information about going gluten free.  I usually send the same form e-mail, occasionally modifying it depending on who the recipient is.  I post pictures to Instagram of my meals and baked goods and often get asked for the recipes.  In writing this blog, I will be able to share photos, recipes, restaurant fails/successes, and more.  Although I am good at being gluten-free at home, I still have a difficult time at social events and restaurants.  While many restaurants try to make accommodations for gluten-sensitive people, the process and the product aren't perfect yet, which can leave me in awkward situations (or sick for a few days!)  On the other side, there are restaurants that have mastered preparing gluten free meals in a delicious way that doesn't make me miss what I used to be able to eat.

Please feel free to comment or contact me if you have any questions about anything I write, I am more than happy to discuss and share!